so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone’s blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it’s just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else’s apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch
reblog if i can wander into your apartment (blog) and make myself lunch (like and reblog as if it’s my dash)
wait lets use that spotify stats page i want to know what everyone’s long term most listened to artist and track are! mine are the cure + “the river the woods” by astronautalis
I am always thinking about Bucky and the fact that he is literally like. Not who he once was. Actually.
Like on my way to being drunk this evening that post just reinforced everything. He isn’t who he was. He can’t be. Bucky Barnes died when he was conscripted into the war. Bucky Barnes died in that Hydra base. Bucky Barnes died when Hydra captured him from the valley. Bucky Barnes died a thousand times over seventy years every time Hydra woke him up, broke him, and put him back to sleep. And then he was alive in the barest sense of the word. Asleep under ice and only being freed when his brain was scrambled for the better. It can’t be unscrambled. Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and they couldn’t put him back together again. Then he was fighting. Again. In a war. Like the one he died in (twice). Bucky Barnes died in the Snap. Then he came back and he fought in a war. Again. And then the one person in the world that his identity, his fleeting, miniscule, singular atom of identity and self that was left, was tied to decided to up and leave him. For a woman they both knew for a few months eighty years ago. Bucky Barnes died when Steve went to the past. Bucky has to live knowing Steve had the chance and didn’t save him in the past. Steve had the chance for them to be together again, for them to be brothers again, in the future, and didn’t take it. And then he’s alone, but he isn’t, because Sam is reaching out to him constantly but he’s dead, so who cares? Why bother changing things from his routine when he’s dead? Bucky Barnes keeps dying. It’s perpetual motion. It’s misery.
And the most frustrating thing as a viewer is. They had him heal. It was flawed and it was stupid because he had no reason to make amends, he had nothing to apologize for. But they showed him coming back. He was better. All he needed was balance. Sam was balance. Sam was a friend (a lover, if we’re all being for real). Sam was community. Sam was calmness. Sam was someone he could work with. Sam chooses to fight wars. Sam wants to help people. Bucky doesn’t want anything anymore because he’s dead but he loves Sam and what Sam is. He wants Sam in his life. And the writers will not give a shit about that because they didn’t give a shit about any of Bucky’s healing so far. And why should they? When they can just keep killing him.
[casual reminder that bucky’s lack of self care started way before winter soldier—at the bar with steve he had no sense of coordination, he was not clean shaven, mildly unacceptable given the time period, his hair was unkempt, and his uniform was not on properly, which was a BIG no, wherever you went. he was most likely suffering from severe depression and the beginnings of PTSD, sparking his sudden lack in self-care and subtle negative undertones of himself (‘I’m invisible’; ‘a nightmare’), and while this can be attributed to the joke he made, depression first manifests itself in minuscule phrases in every day speech]
i hope shein gets shut down i hope ai projects get shut down i hope billionaires go bankrupt i hope public transportation expands fast i am so tired of the world’s bs
forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEED TO GO IN THERE ⬇️⬇️⬇️‼️‼️‼️
Lol. Everyone in the notes freaking out like ‘I live by the sea, don’t jump in, it dangerous’.
Like, guys, guys, listen, you don’t understand. They don’t mean… They want to be… Listen, ok, I grew up on the sea, I’ve been through hurricanes on trawlers and gale force 9 storms crewing tallships. I’ve seen enormous waves absolutely destroy boats. I’ve been caught in riptides while scuba diving and felt the complete powerlessness of it. The sea will absolutely annihilate you, consume you, never give up your body, and not even notice.
I know the power of the sea better than most, however, I know exactly what they mean. Sometimes you see it churning with unfathomable power and all you want is to just get in the sea and have it absolutely fuckin blast you clean. Like sandblast your fuckin soul. Fuckin powerwash your bones clean. Ya know?
Can confirm, getting beat up by the ocean is a religious experience.
